Grace is Gone
by writerchic16
Summary: RossRachel songfic to, you guessed it, Grace is Gone by the Dave Matthews Band. It's a missing scene from TOW Ross and Rachel Take a Break.


Grace is Gone

This is in season 3, during the episode TOW Ross and Rachel Take a Break. It's between the time he arrives at the Philly and the time he kisses Chloe.

Summary: Ross drowns his sorrows at the Philly after having "the" fight with Rachel.

F.Y.I.: As has let it be known that it does not allow songfics, I have taken the lyrics out of this story. I know, it kind of loses its meaning, but I had no choice. I really didn't want to have to take it down, so here it is, lyric-less. I hope you still like it (hey, I hate this policy as much as the next person, but don't take it out on me).

* * *

Ross downed what seemed like his twentieth beer. He had been sitting on the same stool at the Philly for God knows how long, all alone. Chandler and Joey had gone home around midnight. Well, Chandler did, anyway. He saw Joey leave with a too-hot-for-words girl on his arm. Who could guess where he was now.

The digital clock at the back of the bar read 2:00 am. He'll admit he was hammered. His vision was all blurry, his head was pounding. The neon sign on the other side of the room was boring into his skull. But he didn't care. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Rachel was gone.

It really wasn't fair. He had wanted Rachel for…forever. His type of love didn't happen too often. Not many people have been in love with the same person since the ninth grade, like he had. Even when he was married to Carol, he knew that something wasn't right. Rachel was always in the back of his mind, no matter what he did or who he went out with. She was like a distant relative he could never quite lose touch with.

Not that he wanted to lose touch with her. It just hurt to much to see her and know she wasn't his. When she would come over to hang out with his sister, he would purposely avoid them so that he didn't lose control and kiss her right then and there. For the longest time, she had absolutely no interest in him whatsoever, and it drove him nuts. To know that she didn't return his undying love.

And now, she did! She actually loved him. Well, maybe not love him. But liked him enough to go out with him. That first kiss at Central Perk had been magical. The rain pouring down, getting soaking wet, the kiss so passionate – he would remember that night for the rest of his life.

He had been so…deliriously happy when he first found out that Rachel was attracted to him. Ok, maybe not at first. He was dating Julie back then. In his heart, he knew that Julie didn't hold a candle to Rachel. But still, he'd felt the need to make a list. Even though he knew whatever he put on it would never affect how he felt about Rachel. Something had been holding him back. If it had been the same scenario in high school, he would have dumped whoever he was dating in a second. It was different since he was older. He had been scared to start a relationship with Rachel at first. If he did go out with Rachel, it would be the best thing that ever happened to him. He wouldn't be able to take it if they broke up and stopped being friends. There would be no reason to keep on living.

Now it looked like he would have to. He had had it. He had been in a loving relationship with Rachel Green. Everything he had ever dreamed of doing with her had happened – that night in the planetarium had been Heaven on Earth. But now, it was gone. It was all gone.

How could he have been so stupid? She was busy at work – he could understand that! But he didn't. All he could think was that she didn't care about him as much as he cared about her. That her job was more important to her to her than their relationship. That he was wasting her time trying to compete with it.

_You are the stupidest idiot that ever walked the face of the earth, _he told himself. Why didn't he try to look at things from her point of view? She was at a well paying job for the first time ever, trying to figure it out as she went along. She of course cared about them – she just wanted to find a way to balance both her career and her relationship. Him bringing a picnic basket to her office must have been the final straw. She needed her space, and Ross hadn't giving her any.

Another thing that probably ticked Rachel off was his insane jealousy, he realized. How would he feel if she was constantly nagging him about any girl he was ever friends with? He had no place to tell her who she could be around. Yet at the same time, how could he not say something? He kept feeling that Mark was waiting for the right time to swoop down like a bird of prey. However, as Rachel kept telling him, that time hadn't come yet, and thus make his jealousy look totally irrational. But how could he explain that he loved her too much not to be jealous? And he had been right. A few hours ago he had called her apartment, and of all people, _Mark_ was there. Obviously to take advantage of the situation. _Oh well_, Ross thought as he took another swig of beer, _it's too late to do anything about it now._

He gulped down the bubbly liquid for a few seconds, then gave a disappointed groan as he realized he had reached the bottom of the glass yet again. Signaling the bartender, he ordered another one. The bartender gave him a look, as if wondering if he should comply or not, then shrugged his shoulders and went to refill the glass. Ross pretended not to notice. When he said nothing mattered anymore, he meant it. He was never going to love ever again. He may as well forget what it felt like.

"You know, you really should go easy on the drinks," the bartender said as he brought back the glass, now full with beer. "I mean, I shouldn't be one to turn down good business, but I don't want to feel responsible if you get into an accident when you drive home. Which hopefully you won't. Drive home, not get into an accident. Well, I guess you could take it both ways."

Ross looked up at the man who had so rudely started lecturing him. He was the perfect image of a stereotypical bartender. An old man, probably fifty or sixty, the real grandfatherly type. Not very tall, a big, round belly, gruff, mountain man voice, and a short, furry brown beard. One thing Ross noted was that even though his mouth was turned into a sympathetic frown, his eyes seemed to be smiling down on him. Lifting his head up from the table, having put it down an hour ago, he said, trying not to sound irritated, "Thanks for your concern, but I don't feel very much like talking."

The bartender just stared at him, obviously having all the pity in the world for the young stranger. "That's what everyone else says at first." Shrugging his shoulders again, he said, "Eh, have it your way. My name's Jake if you change your mind."

_I don't think I will. _Still, Ross watched the man as he went to tend to another customer. Something seemed so familiar about him, but he knew that was impossible. It was probably like that with everybody. He most likely reminded them of their own father. Dismissing the strange feeling, he sipped the beer for a minute or two, then chugged the rest.

In need of another drink, he waited for the bartender for a few moments. When he didn't come, he called, "Hey, Jake? Can I get another one?" Jake walked over, chuckling to himself. "What's so funny?"

"You are," he said, taking the glass in his hand once more. "You sit there, acting like you don't need anyone in the world, when you clearly do." He set the glass back down after he filled it. "This one's on me."

Ignoring the nice gesture, Ross took the glass and took a few sips before answering, "That's a little judgmental, don't ya think?"

"Maybe. But it's true."

"Ok, so let's say I do need somebody to talk to. Who would that be? No one could possibly understand what I'm going through."

"Well, there's me." Jake tilted his head thoughtfully. "But something tells me that a guy like you has friends that would always be there for him."

"Yeah, I do," Ross admitted, warming up a little. "But they've never been in this type of situation before."

"And what type of situation is that?"

Ross hesitated a second. Did he really want to spill his entire life story to a total stranger? No, but then again, there was that strange feeling… And besides, it's not like it mattered. He would most likely never see this man, or anyone else in here, again in his life. Thinking to himself, _Why not?_, he started the saga of Ross and Rachel. "Well, you see, there was this girl…"

"I thought so. There usually is a girl," the bartender said, a smile on his face.

Ross couldn't help smiling too. "Yeah. Anyway, I've been in love with this girl for the longest time, since we were in high school."

"I take it this love was not returned?"

"Man, you're good."

Jake dismissed it with a flick of his hand. "Experience. I've been at this job for twenty years. I'll tell ya, it's never boring." Laughing to himself, he said, "So, you were in love…" He motioned with his hand for Ross to continue

"Right. I never told this girl how I felt about her, and eventually we drifted apart. See, she was, and now is, my sister's best friend. When they lost touch, so did I." Ross paused, remembering. "It wasn't until a few years ago that she found my sister after she ran out on her wedding day. Not having a place to stay, she started rooming with my sister and still is."

"And since you were around her all the time, your feelings began to resurface, correct?"

"Exactly. You know, you should be a therapist."

"Considered it. Thought there was something wrong with charging people an arm and a leg to talk about their problems."

"That's how I see it, too." Ross laughed, then explained, "Finally, more than a year ago, she found out about my feelings – "

"Let me guess. She discovered that she felt the same way?"

Ross stared at him, his mouth agape. Closing it abruptly, he tried to cover his shock. "Do you want to tell the story for me?"

"Sorry," the bartender shook his head and laughed again. "I get ahead of myself sometimes."

"Yeah…" Unsure of what to make of the apparently psychic, or psycho (Ross wasn't quite sure which one was accurate), bartender, he continued. "The problem was that I was in the midst of a relationship when I found out. So my friend suggested I make a list of pros and cons of each girl."

"A very good idea. Unless, you know, she finds it or something."

Ross sighed. _Whatever_. "That's the thing. She did."

"Ooooh," Jake visibly winced. "Not good."

"Very not good," Ross agreed. "But eventually we were able to work past that, and finally we were able to go on our first date. But the best was the first time we…uh…"

"Fooled around?" Jake suggested.

"Yeah. What happened was that I got delayed at the museum where I worked on the night we were supposed to have a date. We didn't leave until the next morning."

"So where did you do it? Supply closet?"

"No, planetarium. It was so…magical. The stars shining above us…well, they were actually little beams of light, but still…I never dreamed that it could ever happen in real life." Ross said as he once again remembered that night. Sneaking around, hoping not to get caught by the security guard, every last bit of it was priceless. Even when Rachel crushed that juice box. And waking up the next morning…sure, there had been a bunch of school kids looking at him. But he hadn't minded. It was worth it.

"So what's the problem?"

Brought back down to earth, Ross responded, "We had a huge fight earlier. I mean, yesterday night. See, yesterday was our one year anniversary."

"Congratulations."

"Don't bother. It's…over. It started when she was working late, _again_."

"Something I'm assuming happens a lot?"

"Yeah. She's been working what seems like every minute of every day. I hardly got to see her. On top of that, I was going through this insane jealousy stage. One of her co-workers was getting a little too close."

"Are you sure?" Jake asked, eyebrow raised. "Maybe you were blowing a little friendship out of proportion."

"At first I was," Ross admitted. "But it turns out I was right all along. A few hours ago I called, and _he_ was there. Figures – we're barely broken up and she already invites someone else over for dinner."

Jake rolled his eyes, "You don't think that's a tiny bit presumptuous? It could have been just one friend helping out another. You probably get together with your pals after a painful breakup."

"Sure, I guess I do. But that's different."

"Why? Just because she's a girl and he's a guy?"

Ross suddenly felt as though the man was mocking him. "What do you mean, 'just because'? It's a HUGE 'because'! He's been hitting on her ever since they started working together?"

"Are you sure about that?"

Ross was about to respond, then stopped himself. Was he really sure? Yeah, they talk a lot, but did he really have any proof that Mark was a threat? Ross put his head in his arms on the counter. _You are an IDIOT! Of course they talked a lot! They spent most of the day together at work!_ _That was what Rachel was trying to get you to understand…_Picking his head up again, Ross gazed at Jake with gratitude. "Thanks, man."

"Hey, no problem. Just do me one favor, Ross."

Ross wrinkled his forehead in confusion. _I don't remember telling him what my name was._ He shrugged it off. He probably let it slip during their conversation. "What do you need?"

"Not so much what I need. It's what you need to do for yourself." The bartender looked Ross directly in the eye. "Go to Rachel's apartment. Don't worry, Mark won't be there. Tell her you're sorry about anything and that you'll try to change, then do it. Then, everything will be fine. Trust me, you two were meant to be together."

Ross stared at the bartender in complete and utter shock. Now he remembered. He hadn't said his name, and he certainly hadn't mentioned Rachel or Mark's. And how did he know that Mark wouldn't be at Rachel's apartment, or what Ross should say? More importantly, how did he know that he and Rachel were made for each other? OR if that was even true?

Sometime during his wonderment, Jake had disappeared. Ross blinked his eyes in astonishment. How could he have missed that? Noting another bartender at the end of the bar, Ross called him over. Once he complied, Ross asked, "Hey, do you know where that other bartender, Jake, went? I need to ask him something."

The young man looked at Ross in total confusion. "What are you talking about, man? I'm the only one here. The last guy got off three hours ago." When Ross didn't respond, he rolled his eyes and went to tend to another customer.

_What the hell just happened here? Did I imagine that whole thing?_ But Jake had been so real…he had heard the voice, had seen the wrinkles in his face…Ross then cleared his head. _I must be really hammered. Yeah, that's it._ Though something inside him said that that wasn't the truth, Ross accepted it. It was the only logical explanation.

Looking down again, Ross realized that he had emptied what must have been his twentieth beer. _It's definitely time to go. I should probably get a cab and get my car in the morning._ Deciding to go with that plan, he got his coat and went to go do what Jake had told him. _Hey, even if he _was_ a figment of my imagination, he gave some pretty damn good advice._

"Hey, dinosaur guy, look at you, so sad. Come dance." Ross turned around, startled. _Chloe._

* * *

F.Y.I., Jake is God/Ross' subconscious, whichever one. I thought it would be a nice touch than Ross just thinking to himself the entire time. 


End file.
